Wedding Wednesday Q&A: What To Do If You Want Different Things

Wedding Wednesdays Q&A answered by Destination wedding planner Mango Muse Events

Q:  I’m having some trouble.  My fiancé and I are not on the same page.  We just we want different things.  He wants a band while I want a DJ.  He wants a cake and I want pie.  And the list goes on.  It’s making planning our wedding really hard.  I’m a little frustrated and really I just don’t know what to do.  Help!

I’m sorry that you’re struggling.  Wedding planning should be fun and I’m sure this is not fun for you right now.  But, let’s get you some help so it can start being enjoyable again.

First, I want you to know that you’re not alone.  I experience this with my couples all the time.  It’s completely natural.  Because you aren’t the same person!

Bride and groom playfully face off at a San Francisco wedding by Destination wedding planner Mango Muse Events

(Photo credit: Jerry Yoon Photographers)

Just because you love each other doesn’t mean you always want the same things.  So, it’s ok that you want different things for your wedding.  I know it makes it harder, but it’s not a bad thing.

It’s actually a good thing! 

It means you want to make this experience special and you both care enough to have an opinion.  Many times one of the pair (usually the guy) isn’t very involved.  Or doesn’t even care.

And while that makes it easier to make a decision, it’s not a wedding that represents two people.  And that’s what a wedding is!  It’s you two awesome people coming together and sharing your lives together.

So, while I know it’s hard right now, be thankful that you both care about making your wedding day meaningful.

Bride and groom wedding kiss at a San Francisco wedding reception at Bluxome Winery by Destination wedding planner Mango Muse Events

(Photo credit: Milou and Olin Photography)

Ok, so how do you move forward?

It’s really all about compromise. 

And let’s be honest, it’s good practice for your marriage.  Because as I said before, you’re two different people and you will inevitably butt heads at times and want different things.

But, it’s time to come together and compromise.  And there are many ways to compromise.

Sometimes it’s a trade off and one person gets one thing while the other gets something else.  Sometimes it’s about inclusion and finding a way to have both things.  And sometimes it’s about finding a completely different third option.

The key is to understand what is important to you individually and together. 

If you feel strongly about something, then that has to be heard and understood.  It’s not always easy to see another person’s point of view, but try.  Ask them to explain and see it through their eyes.

And then take the time to explain how you feel so that they can understand.  It’s a two way street.  You both have to be seen and heard.

Then once you understand, you can work together to come up with a solution.  And who knows, maybe your solution will be the best decision you make for your wedding!  It might result in the best experience and be better than you even imagined.  And you never would have seen that solution until you came together.

Like I said before, it’s a good thing!  You both care and now it’s just about finding the right solution that you’re both comfortable with.

Bride and groom taking a moment and smiling at their destination wedding in Hawaii by destination wedding planner Mango Muse Events

(Photo credit: Rachel Robertson Photography)

Now if you go through that and you still can’t seem to compromise, think about your relationship.  Think about what you two have done in the past when you’ve been at odds.  How did you solve it then?  Use those same principles now to come to a solution.

Because there is always a solution!

It doesn’t always feel that way, but there is.  Work together to come up with that solution and you’ll feel so much better.

And it never hurts to have a professional opinion.  If you’re looking for some help and guidance, contact us today.  We’ve got lots of ideas and solutions to help.

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