Q: I have a friend who is going to be my ceremony officiant. I’m really excited about him marrying us, but I’m not sure how this works. Is he going to put the ceremony together? Or are we supposed to?
Great question! Having a “friendor” as we call it in the biz can be a great option. It can save you money and make your wedding much more personal. But, it can also be tricky especially if you aren’t on the same page.
The timing is great because we’re talking about getting help with your wedding from your friends over on Facebook live today at 3pm PST. Come and join our wedding planning party and learn how to get help so that it’s actually helpful. We’ll be talking about the friendor in our planning party as well. So, come by and hang out!
Ok, so back to your question. For most couples who have a ceremony officiant friendor, the creation process will be collaborative. There will be items you’ll need to take care of and some items your friendor will take care of. What you need to figure out is who will handle what.
But, before you do anything, figure out what you want first in your ceremony. This doesn’t have to be set in stone right now. But, you want an idea of what you’re generally looking for. You’ll want to think about both the overall vibe and feel of the ceremony and what you want to include.
Then you want to have a sit down with your ceremony officiant and have a chat. Let this be an open discussion and find out what they feel comfortable working on and writing and what they don’t. From there you can divvy up the items. For example, they may be fine working on the intro, welcome, initial thoughts and the ending. But, they want you to pick out the vows, ring exchange, and other wording. Or perhaps they want you to write it in full and they’ll just add some personal notes to the beginning and end. Or maybe they’ll write the whole thing and just send it to you to tweak and review.
Once you’ve figured out what you’re both comfortable with, then you need to set up some deadlines. Pick a date in the future to have a first draft done. Then pick a date on when you’ll touch base next about it. Put it on your schedule and then do your part. Start working on your wording and make sure to meet your deadlines.
Think of it as working on a project with your friend. You want to treat them still as a friend, but it’s important that you both meet your ends of the agreement. If your officiant friendor needs something from you, make sure you give it to them. If you need something from them, make sure to ask. And help each other! It will only make it easier for everyone.
(Photo credit: Tomasz Wagner Photo & Films)
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