Happy almost Thanksgiving! As you’re doing your last minute shopping for the big meal, we’re sharing a Thanksgiving edition of our Wedding Wednesdays Q&A. Today’s topic is about (can you guess?), drum roll please….being thankful.
Q: I have multiple parent figures in my life who really love me and care about me. I’m very lucky and blessed to have them all in my life, but the problem is that I don’t know how to include them all. I have my dad and his wife, my stepmom. Then I have my mom and her husband, my stepdad. Then my grandmother who helped raise me along with my uncle who I’ve always been really close to. I want to have them all be a part of the wedding somehow, but don’t know how to do that. For example, who should walk me down the aisle? I’m not sure! How do I figure this out?
You, my friend, have what I call, a wonderful problem. You really are blessed to have so many loving parent figures in your life. So, how do we honor and include them? The first thing that comes to mind is to have them all be in your wedding party. If you don’t have a traditional wedding party, make your multiple parent figures it. You love these people, so why not have them be at your side? Perhaps your uncle is your officiate, your grandmother walks you down the aisle and your parents are your attendants or some combination of that. If you do have a wedding party, chose one or two to walk you down the aisle, one as your officiate and include the others by having them read something or give a prayer or participate somehow in the ceremony. You can also include them in the reception as well (e.g. give a toast, father-daughter dance), but the ceremony is the important part because it’s where they’ll be involved in blessing you and your marriage.
Now who to pick for each of these roles? I think the one (or two) who walks you down the aisle, should be the one you’re closest to, the one who rightfully can “give you away”. Your officiate should be someone well spoken and confident, who will take the job seriously and most importantly is the one that knows you and your fiancé the best. Since they would be marrying you, they should also know your fiancé pretty well so that he feels comfortable as well. And then the others can be in your wedding party, or can give a reading or a blessing or participate in some form of a unity ritual (could be cultural or spiritual or symbolic) or another portion of your ceremony.
The goal here is to have them each play an important role in the act of you getting married, as they have similarly played an important role in your life. Don’t stress out too much about it as whatever way you include them will be a way of you saying thanks for loving me and that you love them too.
(Photo credit: Jerry Yoon Photographers)