Wedding Wednesdays Q&A: Unwanted Bridesmaid

Wedding Wednesdays Q&A by Jamie Chang Destination Wedding Planner of Mango Muse Events

Hello everyone!  Welcome to another Wedding Wednesdays Q&A where we answer your most pressing wedding planning questions.  This week’s question is about an unwanted bridesmaid.

Q: I know for some brides picking their bridesmaids can be hard, but for me it was super easy.  I asked my closest girlfriends and my sister and it made perfect sense because they are the people I want standing next to me.  But, now that I’ve picked my bridesmaids, one of my friends is acting strange because I didn’t ask her.  She is in my group of friends, but we aren’t that close.  I’m not sure what to do because I don’t like hurting her feelings, but I don’t really want her in my wedding party.   Should I cave or stick to my guns?

So, you may be surprised, but this happens quite often.  I have a lot of brides who go through something like this whether it’s with a friend or a family member and they end up in a situation with an unwanted bridesmaid.

Here’s the thing, while most adults understand their relationship with others, some have a hard time and just don’t get it.  Some women really want to just feel included and “picked” and when they aren’t, they get hurt and upset and try to guilt the bride into making them a bridesmaid.  They don’t understand and/or can’t accept the bride’s decision and just be happy for them.  The sad part is that this really puts a lot of pressure and unwanted stress on the bride’s shoulders which is just unnecessary.

While I don’t think a wedding should come between your relationships, I do think your wedding is about you and your fiancé.  If you don’t want this girl to be by your side and you aren’t comfortable with it, then stick to your guns.  Continue to be nice to her, continue to be her friend and just give her some time to get over it.  Many times an unwanted bridesmaid just wants to be a part of your wedding, so perhaps you can consider including her in another way like having her help you with some aspect of your wedding planning or inviting her to the bachelorette party or bridal shower.  It lets her know that she’s still an important friend.

I must mention that I have had some brides in the past go the other route and they did so because they didn’t want to have to deal with the resentment or potential other issues that it might bring up.  If you don’t mind her being in your wedding party, you can consider it as it would obviously make her happy.  But, the real question you have to ask yourself is what would make you happy?  Don’t just do it for her, you have to want it as well.  It’s ok to think about yourself when it comes to this because your wedding is YOUR wedding.  Thinking about others is an important part of a wedding, but in the end, you have to be happy.  So, make sure your decision makes you happy.

Bridesmaids and bride taking a shot while getting ready at a Sonoma destination wedding by Destination wedding planner Mango Muse Events

(Photo credit: Chrisman Studios)

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